I was recently talking to a friend (one who’s never had any trouble meeting men) and was stunned when she said she had never been asked out on a date. She’s had booty calls, hooked up at parties and even had a couple of boyfriends, but never has any guy asked her out on a real date. And when I asked around, I realised that her situation is not so rare. Why is it that some women get asked out all the time and others rarely or not at all? Here, experts offer insight on just that topic. So dust off your dating shoes, try these tips, and get ready to be asked out. Tip 1: Insist on the best. So, there’s a guy you like, and you’re kind of seeing him—when he texts at the last minute and wants to hang out. You wish he’d ask you out for real, but you don’t say anything to him about it. Newsflash: He likes you, and if you go along with the texting tactic, he’ll keep thinking you’re fine with it. So why would he do the extra work to call you? You don’t have to be high-maintenance to let a guy know how to treat you. “If you settle for less or expect less, you will get less,” says Vanessa Marsot, a licensed family therapist. Stand up for what you want. You may have to say no to that next booty call, but if you hold out for what you want, you will actually get it.
Tip 2: Rid him of rejection fears. Having a guy you don’t know start talking to you can be nerve-racking—What’s he after? Is he into me? you wonder. And while they may seem clueless, men pick up on it when our defenses go up. But instead of interpreting it as a sign that we’re nervous, they think we’re looking for the nearest exit. “Guys hate rejection,” says Steve Santagati, author of The MANual. “Our egos are a lot more fragile than women think.” Only the bravest guy will pursue a woman if there’s a chance he’ll be shot down, so let him know you’re totally interested. To put his mind at ease, smile when he suggests an activity or movie and say something like, “I keep meaning to try/see that, but I don’t have anyone to go with.” It sets him up seamlessly to ask you out. Remember, guys aren’t big on subtlety, so what you think of as so obvious will just seem like a relief to him. Tip 3: Keep him talking. Another obstacle to old-fashioned courtship is when a conversation loses momentum. Instead of smiling their way through an awkward silence, many men take that pause to be a woman’s way of saying, “I can’t wait to get rid of you.” So think of three good, creative questions you can ask in the event that someone you’re interested in starts talking to you. For example: Where were you born? (Good start.)Where would you like to travel that you’ve never been before? (Better.)Wanna have a thumb war? (Home run!) Asking questions will show even the most timid man that you’re interested and keep him talking until he asks you out—or at least asks for your number. Tip 4: Give him a preview. You don’t have to ask a guy out to be the one to initiate contact. Instead, suggest plans and think of it as a “pre-date”… a date to see if you want to go on a date. You can figure out if you’d even be interested in the person, and you get to pick the location and time. Do something casual like a walk or lunch. You get to see each other with your defenses down, and once you’ve hung out in a friendly way, he’ll have the motivation (because he’s seen how hot you are) — and comfort (he knows you’re up for spending time with him) — to schedule something more romantic. You don’t have to make the first move, but a pre-date gives him an excellent opportunity to do so. Tip 5: Practice, practice, practice. Making seamless conversation and dating the right way may seem impossibly foreign, but the more you do it, the more naturally it will come. “A date may not be with the man of your dreams, but it’s practice, and once you’re in the zone, it’s easy to stay there,” says Anna David, the relationship expert on G4’s Attack of the Show! and the author of Party Girl. So practice getting asked out, and practice dating. Practice saying yes when you’re invited to things. You may have an awkward pre-date with someone who isn’t right for you. That’s OK—no, actually, it’s great! Practice asking questions even if you’re not interested in dating that particular person. Most important, practice saying no to people who aren’t giving you what you are looking for. Soon, the only guys in your orbit will be the ones who do ask you out, and you’ll wonder why you ever needed this article!
Lindsay Lohan must be feeling a little run-down right about now.
The past couple of weeks have been hectic for the 22-year-old actress. She shuttled between Paris and London, accompanying her lady-love, 31-year-old DJ Samantha Ronson, on Ronson's European tour. (Sam performs at Crimson at Sax Hotel in Chicago tonight.)
She attended the opening of a luxury resort in Dubai, and possibly added to the volatility of the Middle Eastern region.
And, most distressingly, she was pelted with flour by an animal-rights fanatic while entering the VIP club in Paris.
Once back on American soil, LiLo made a beeline to the nearest medical professional.
Lohan was seen leaving a medical building in Beverly Hills yesterday, sparking speculation about the part-time actress's well-being.
Maybe Linds, who's been physically and professionally depleted of late, was getting a B-12 shot?
Or perhaps Lohan, who was spotted at a psychiatrist's office in Santa Monica earlier this month with Ronson, has decided that couples' therapy is best when augmented with individual treatment.
Either way, it's nice to see that Lindsay is seeking the cure for what ails her from licensed professionals, instead of a practitioner whose "office" consists of a beeper, a lightweight scale, and a box of plastic baggies.
